This dream unlike the last one was not about me having a baby, but instead it was about a baby girl, more specifically it was about her mother (HLHS Mommy).
In my dream it was Christmas. HLHS Mommy was wearing red and her blonde hair was shining. She was smiling, but she was crying. She was clasping my hands.
That’s all I remember.
HLHS Mommy gave birth to the first baby girl born in Mankato in 2010. Her baby girl lived for thirteen days.
I remember this time last year. Though we weren’t extremely close, we had common ground. We had mutual friends, we went to the same college and most importantly, we were both pregnant expecting our first child.
HLHS Mommy updated everyone on Facebook on the status of her due date.
Finally her baby girl came.
As she explained it in a newspaper article, that first day was stressful. A lot of visitors. From what the night turned into, the next thirteen days were monstrous.
It turned out that her baby girl was born with HLHS. Hypoplastic Left-Heart Syndrome. Simple description to a major medical condition; she was born with only three chambers in her heart.
Lately, I have been thinking of HLHS Mommy a lot. I’ve praying for her a lot, asking God to revitalize her strength as she celebrates her daughter’s firsts. Especially her first Christmas, her first birthday, and the first year from her baby’s passing.
I remember attending the visitation and the funeral. Being pregnant myself, I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t know if I should go.
I mean how would you feel if you had just lost your first child and you see someone who is holding your dream in her hands?
In the end I went. I even talked with HLHS Mommy for a while.
“Make sure you take the time.” Is what she told me.
I remembered that.
One of the ways HLHS Mommy decided to cope with her daughter’s death was to blog. First, it was an open blog, and then she turned in private.
Reading how she put her darkest moments into words, turned something in me. To be completely honest, this woman is the reason I started my blog.
She also started the first Minnesota chapter for the non-profit organization It’s My Heart. On top of working and organizing several charity events.
Pretty darn amazing if you ask me.
So this Christmas and in the New Year: “Make sure you take the time.”
Make time to spend with your family, whatever the situation. That little time you have is better than no time.
If it is the one thing HLHS Mommy taught me it is that. Because those few moments may change your life forever, may give you more perspective, and give unbounded amounts of motivation.
Make time to pray. Pray for those who have lost loved ones. Those who will miss them dearly over the holidays.
Make time to Praise. Through her struggles of the last year HLHS Mommy has been the epitome of faith. She is steadfast, doubtful, fulfilled, lost, blessed, and most of all a believer.
“But this is not all about me, is it? God is at work in all that has happened since Hazel’s birth, and I try to stay focused on that. But sometimes I let my selfish nature take over…”